Learning to Meditate

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I'm still learning meditation. I've been learning for a long time. Really the word for it is practice, but I am not getting a whole lot "better" despite years and years of practice. That's not the point. Although some folks might think so.

I'm not trying to attain some special state of being or escape the noisy world. I am practicing being present in my life so that I have more awareness of what I'm up to moment by moment.

For me the points are:

  • I want to see. I want to see how my thoughts move across my mind; how I group thoughts together. How I live more in the future than in the past, but not as often in the present as I would like. I want to see how sometimes my thoughts berate me and hold me to a higher standard than "my best." I want to see the many ways I distract myself to avoid seeing what I may not want to see.

  • I want to find myself in the spaces between things. I want to savor the silence. I want to rest in the quiet stillness even if for one moment.

  • I want to feel: the sensations in my body, the cool air at my nostril with each breath, the stiff neck and tight back, the clenched jaw. I like tuning into the beating of my heart. I want to sink into the space between my eyes. I like to feel my feet being supported by the floor.

  • I want to hear the present moment in all its fullness, even sounds I might label annoying.

  • I love to follow my breath in and out; in and out riding the waves again and again.

Do I want to do this every day? Every morning at the same time? Do I skip sometimes? Do I make myself come to the upright and easy position even though I don't want to? The answer to all of these questions is yes. Yes, I do, because I'm still learning to be in my life with all its twists and turns. I don't want to miss a moment, so I practice meditation and I learn to be IN my life, awake and present.