The Pain of Perfectionism

The Pain of Perfectionism

The drive and need to be perfect is an obsession, particularly in society where looks are everything, mistakes can’t be tolerated and the impulse to blame is paramount. This is highly stressful and takes enormous energy to maintain. No wonder exhaustion and burnout are on the rise.

When the primary focus is on accomplishments, the continual striving  leaves little room for joy, wonder, or connection. When what is valued is accomplishing things, striving for more takes on added significance, leading to pushing yourself beyond what is truly necessary. You have completely forgotten you are a human being not a human doing. It is draining to feel under the gun in this way, and yet the escape route remains elusive. There is disconnection from what is truly meaningful.

Use this mindful checklist to see if you might be suffering from the energy zapping trait of perfectionism. This will take honest self-reflection, a willingness to look at habits and a desire to release the grip this has on you.

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Caring for Your Emotional Life

Where do emotions come from? Many of our emotions have to do with things that have happened in the past; situations, experiences, memories, or anticipating the future. Emotions also arise from how well we are regulating our body budget; an accounting of our bodies’ energy needs and what our brain predicts this means for our future. This is a cornerstone of the mind/body connection.

All emotions count, so it’s important to acknowledge  the full range of your emotions.

 We each experience emotions differently. How you create your emotional self-care plan will differ based on how you do or do not acknowledge your emotions. Gently turning toward your emotions, letting them surface, feeling and acknowledging them and then letting them go is the healthiest thing you can do for emotional care, and it’s not always easy. Those emotions you do not acknowledge show up in unexpected ways that may surprise you.

Since you are the one in charge of your emotional self; emotional self-care will depend on the practices and strategies you engage in. These should support and honor your emotions, connect you to your experience, and allow you to make meaning. Use this mindful checklist to create your personal emotional self-care plan to support emotional wellbeing.

Take inventory. What drains you? Look in this order; people, home tasks, work tasks, community. Teasing apart obligations  from those that are based in self-imposed shoulds can bring clarity to how you spend your time and with who

  • Consider people; do they bring life to your life or do they bring you down with negativity and criticism? Are they doom and gloom and gossipy or do they have a positive outlook and generous spirit? Stress and emotional reactivity are contagious and it’s easy to get swept away with negative emotional energy. Your time is limited, choose wisely the people you spend time with.

  • Homes tasks; look carefully at what really needs to be done and what would be nice to get done. The house doesn’t have to be spotless all the time, just because you can fix the plumbing doesn’t mean you have to. Let things be easier at home, it’s better to spend quality time with your family playing a game, communicating face to face or watching a movie together than holding yourself to a too high standard

  • Work tasks; this is a bit trickier, but still doable. What is absolutely necessary and what can you say no to? Learning to set boundaries is an essential skill of time management and emotional self-care. If this is an area of difficulty for you, reach out for help with a life coach or mental health provider, your physical and emotional health will thank you.

  • Community; it feels good to share your gifts and skills in the community, but not if it comes at the expense of your emotional health and wellbeing. Use discernment regarding what you want to contribute versus time available. Just because you’ve done something in the past, does not mean you need to keep doing it now.

Be honest as you self-reflect, what really drains you?

What brings you energy? Again, look in this order people, home, work, and community. Identifying what brings energy and making room for those people and activities gives a positive boost to emotional self-care. Emotions are transmittable, both positive and negative so it’s time well spent to reflect on who, what and where brings energy to your life.

Take time to pause. This doesn’t have to be a big deal, it can be as simple as stopping and taking a few conscious breaths, opening awareness to body sensations first, then to what’s around you and in that moment acknowledge that you are okay right here, right now. Learning mindfulness meditation helps you become aware of the gap you can step into and honestly see what is happening.

Manage sleep. Often overlooked, but of vital importance, sleep is needed for restoring the body systems to homeostasis. This in turn gives you resources for acknowledging all emotions and responding rather than reacting to them.

These are just a few ideas for emotional self-care, and a good start. To learn more about specific emotions and corresponding mindful checklists continue reading past blogs posts and gain further insight into ways to care for yourself and your emotions with self-compassion and honest self-reflection.

“There are days I drop words of comfort on myself like falling leaves and remember that it is enough to be taken care of by my self.”

– Brian Andreas

 

 

 

 

Mindful Checklist Gratitude: Freshen Up Your Thanks

Mindful Checklist Gratitude: Freshen Up Your Thanks

Thanksgiving now behind us, we are left with an uplifted spirit from pausing to say thanks and gathering for connection and tradition. We can help that experience linger with an intention to notice, pause, and say thank you. Gratitude can be a way of living every day, and is a foundational component of resilience.

 Gratitude is good for your health, both physical (immune system booster) and emotional (increased optimism and joy). The good news is it can be cultivated.

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Mindful Checklist Friendship

Mindful Checklist Friendship

Friendship, communing with another human being, especially when you feel seen, heard and understood is one of life’s rich and affirming gifts. We literally need one another. Friendship puts the soft edges on rough corners and we are worn smooth by friendly connections and belonging together.

Social support, such as friendship, is powerful medicine. Research shows that those with challenging and life-threatening illness rank social support in the top 9 factors that contribute to healing and thriving.

Use this mindful checklist to take inventory of your friendships and connections to consciously acknowledge their meaning and impact in your life.

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Mindful Checklist for Listening

Mindful Checklist for Listening

Listening is an attention filled activity and often attention is scattered and fragmented by the pressures of life. Listening is a gift we give another person and ourselves for it connects us to another human being. Use these steps to practice actively listening and reap the benefits of connection.

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